Pictorial Review: Generation 2 Laser Rods

Recently I saw the following advert for the Dark of the Moon toyline:

And I was reminded of another Transformers rap, that of the G2 Laser Rods:

(Bonus Polish version!)

Word up from 1994, yo.

The upshot of all this terrible Transform-a-rap crap? Well, it may suck now, but back when I was impressionable enough to think that those adverts were cool, I always wanted the Laser Rods and never saw them on the shelves. Now that I am old enough and stupid enough for my parents to give up in utter despair, I've been able to acquire three of the four Laser Rod toys!



The first, Electro, is somewhat rare, being made out of Hasbro's special disintegrating gold plastic, so most people only have him in their collection in this condition:

As for the others, we have Volt...

...Sizzle...

...and Jolt!

Now let's take a closer look starting with our odd-Autobot-out, Volt:

 Considering that this was 1994, these toys really raised the bar. Chromed wheels and grill, shiny gold paint apps (though mysteriously the roof ones are a sticker) and clear plastic for the headlights make all of these toys stand out from their peers. They even have the luxury of weapon storage!

 Is that a sword in your...errr...nevermind.

One peculiarity of Volt is that all the way up until release, including the box-shots and artwork, he is transformed thusly:

Classic hood-chests all round, chaps!

However the instructions dictate that you rotate the waist and do this:

 The only reason I can think of for the last minute switch-a-roo is that Electro transformed with his roof as his chest and so they changed Volt's scheme to match his Autobot buddy. Seeing as these toys used a GI Joe-like rubber band for their waist joint (they were marketed as "Super Poseable" and for the time they were massively so.)  twisting the waist 180 degrees is a very bad idea, remember that these are seventeen years old!

 Sizzle is a fish-scaled custom truck with an inexplicable flash of orange on the back. He's not my favourite in alt. mode, but the robot is arguably the best of the line. In the above image you can clearly see how poorly the stickers matched the paint apps and I can't work out why they went to the extra effort with the former and not all the way with the latter.

Sizzle is a proper Decepticon warrior with his jagged spark-or-lightning sword. He's tall, but not lanky and has a dark, clean colour scheme. He's also the only one besides Electro to have actual feet! The panels on his arms are situated at different depths to allow them to move over one-another and enable arm swivels and hinges that today we take for granted.

Jolt is the only soft-top and is sleek, shark-like and violently coloured! He really needed one less colour in the mix here, or at least a more convincing fade on those flames! The exhausts look nice poking out of the sides of the bonnet and make a change from the other 'Rods.

In robot mode he may look like a camp Cylon, but his massively oversized cutlass (stop sniggering) is absolutely wicked! Sadly his entire lower legs are hollow and remind me to be more thankful of heel spurs! All of the Laser Rods suffer from truly floppy ball-joint waists and with the electronics at chest-height they do topple in a mild breeze.

Wait a second...electronics? You may have forgotten since you watched that awful video at the start, but I'm about to show you what 1994 tech is all about! LIGHT UP SWORDS! If you look at the images, there's a black housing on a wire which plugs into the base of their fists and with a push of the rather painful buttons on their bonnets:

Volt's straight-up knightly stabber

Sizzle's jaggedy blade would sting a bit

Jolt has a big chopper.

And if that wasn't enough, the engine blocks light up in their alt. modes!

Too hot to focus on

Sizzle could cook an egg

Jolt is just rediculous Rediculo...oh never mind.

Light Up My Life:

Bold styling

Great alt. modes for '94

Poseable bot modes

Excellent gimmick in both modes

LASER SWORDS!

Flat Batteries:

Floppy waist joints

Poor balance

Electro self-destructs

Rubber bands will wear out

The Bottom Line:

Price: Out of production, but oddly available for £20 each off amazon.co.uk MISB

Location: eBay or trades with other collectors.
Vehicle Modes:

Volt: 9/10

Sizzle: 8/10

Jolt: 9/10

Average: 8.6/10

Robot Modes:

Volt: 6/10

Sizzle: 9/10

Jolt: 7/10

Average: 7.3/10

Overall: 7.95/10

There's no doubt about it, these guys were the coolest thing my younger self could handle. Transformers. Transformers that were hot-rods! Transformers that were hot-rods with light-up swords! I am lucky to have escaped my childhood without my mind blown, though it may go some way to explain how cynical I have become. Nothing measures up after these guys. Pity my kids if I have any.

-Mattersmasher