TV Review: G1 Ep. 34: "Microbots"

Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being a Dork.

PREMISE Human archeologists dig up Megatron's old ship, the Nemesis (not that he actually remembers it.) Its power source - the Heart of Cybertron - could make Megatron TEH M0ST PWNAGE CYB3RTR0N EV4R, so naturally he steals it...um, back, and has it installed into his chest compartment and promptly becomes a Sith Lord. So naturally, Brawn, Perceptor and Bumblebee go on a Fantastic Voyage to disconnect and steal the Heart before Megatron can use it to destroy the Ark. On the way, Perceptor proves to Brawn that dorkage is an integral part of the Autobot team. And Thundercracker gets drunk and falls over.

"The Mayans didn't have spacecraft!"

Archeologist #2. Where the feck did he get his degree, Indiana Jones College?

We're wise to your tricks, David.

It's quite hard sitting down to pen a review of a Generation One episode. Namely because they're not well-known for their writing quality, animation consistency, or basic use of Earth logic and/or physics. Arguably however, they still remain some of the most beloved toy commercials of the 1980's. (Yeah, you heard me, purists.) Regardless, I'm going to try my hardest with these G1 episode reviews, and with this one in particular because it focuses on my third favourite G1 Autobutt: Perceptor.

PERCEPTOR AS A CHARACTER

Ahem, to quote TFWiki: "buymebuymebuymebuyme".

The entire reason for the Microbots storyline was to rip off Star Wars some more with the shooty lightening hands jazz showcase Perceptor's character for the consumer market, and to this end the episode pulls it off surprisingly well, whilst still retaining a semi-coherent plot and a decent sense of characterisation in others. For those of you who dimly remember a British-sounding microscope who talks a little too much, allow me to refresh your memories: in the cartoon, Perceptor seemed to act as a third medic alongside Ratchet and Hoist, repairing faulty microchips instead of damaged outer parts. He then became a crazy inventor obsessed with rust for some reason, but let's face, it, living with Spike Witwicky on a daily basis would make you all the more interested in chemical warfare. Especially against yourself.

*insert penis joke here*

Perceptor's character is interesting for a good reason: he doesn't want to fight. Most - if not all - of the other Autobots seem constantly geared up for action - even non-warriors such as Grapple and Wheeljack get their fightin' words on when there's Decepticreeps about - and yet he's confident enough in his pacifist duties to lightly brush off Brawn's bullying, despite the latter constantly being an utter dick. It's also interesting to note that the other Autobots stick up for him: Perceptor is certainly not the class punching bag. Not only is he a proud geek, who quietly sits doing his homework whilst the jocks run out to play war, he has the respect of his peers. Optimus Prime warns Brawn that if he sneers at Perceptor again, he will have to donate his face to the Autobot cause; likewise Bumblebee steps in and verbally smacks the uppity minibot when he dares to suggest Perceptor is a coward for not joining in the game.

Yeah, well yo momma's so stupid she went to Bangkok to buy a TIE-Fighter!

In other words, "Microbots" should have appealed to a child's core psychology in two ways: either telling them that being the dork is okay, or telling them that if they try to bully said dork, Optimus Prime will bitch slap their nads all the way to China.

Becca, stop creaming your pants about Perceptor and get on with reviewing the damn episode.

THE PLOT...HOLES

Why did none of the other Decepticons help the snake?

Okay, so let's think about the whole "Heart of Cybertron" malarky for a moment, shall we? Four million years ago, Megatron abandoned the Nemesis to attack the Ark, and in doing so left behind a plot device that could turn him into a super-powered killing machine. This begs two immediate questions: 1) why did he leave it behind? and 2) why didn't he have it installed in his chest all along in the first place? Obviously Cybertronian ships didn't all need Hearts of Cybertron to fly themselves, or the Ark would have one too, and as it didn't seem to require any extra power once installed, or have any lasting effects on Megatron's frame (a la the effects the Matrix had on Scourge in "The Burden Hardest to Bear"), so there didn't seem to be a single reason to not have it within him all along. Oh well. Chalk it up to Plothole #1. Plothole #2 is that, when Soundwave discovers the human archeologists digging up the Nemesis on his television omnipotent digital screen thingy, Megatron refers to it as "a Decepticon ship". He then later admits it's the same one they flew to Earth in...only...they didn't...the Decepticons crash-landed in the Ark. Argh.

My lord, I have invented...green!

Plotholes 3-8 are to do with silly little things that I am going to nitpick anyway. #3: When Ravage is in the jungle, he is owned by a leopard. What. #4: The Decepticons have to travel to the Nemesis on foot to "avoid satellite detection". Because nobody is going to notice a load of robots blasting their way through a rainforest, nosir. #5: When the wounded Autobots arrive back at the Ark after getting their first taste of Megatron's enhanced power, Prime requests that Perceptor fix Wheeljack first so that he can build a forcefield to keep Megatron out. (#5a: Why doesn't the Ark have a forcefield going all the time anyway?) Yet later on Ratchet is shown activating and operating the damn thing almost exclusively whilst Wheeljack stands by and does nothing. #6: Why are the Decepticons getting drunk in the middle of nowhere? They hate dirt, right, so why would they willingly spend time on it? #7: Megatron doesn't like "creeping around in these ugly Earth disguises". At no point in the series can I remember the Decepticons creeping: they're either at home or blowing shit up. #8: Neither Powerglide or Ironhide thanked Perceptor for fixing them. Assholes.

Oh god oh god I'm having '86 movie flashbacks!

The only coherent part of the entire thing is Perceptor's plan to shrink himself, Bumblebee and Brawn down and remove the Heart of Cybertron from within. In terms of usual Autobot plans it's startlingly brilliant, and it leads to some pretty awesome (if not tripped out) scenes explaining Transformer physiology. The threat of the time running out on the three hapless microbots wasn't overplayed - and lead to a truly hilarious scene where Bumblebee, freshly escaped from Megatron's innards, shyly greets the bewildered Decepticon leader in true WE JUST KICKED YO ASS BOY fashion - whilst Perceptor's unrelenting personality gave credence to Brawn apologising to him at the end. And let's not forget the quality of the animation during the sequence in which Megatron attacks the Ark. It's some of the prettiest stuff in the series, and could almost have been ripped straight from the '86 movie.

Recommended? Yes. It's a good, silly episode to while away a dull 20 minutes or so, and will also appeal to any fan of Perceptor, Brawn or Bumblebee, as all three get a decent amount to do. It's also worth it just for the scene where the drunk 'cons hang out, and for the gorgeous battle scenes between Warpath and Megatron.

THE BOTTOM LINE

AVAILABILITY Metrodome Transformers Season Two: Volume One: Disc Two.

TO SELL TOYS Based on this episode, I'd buy Perceptor. No question.

PLOT COHERENCY 5/10.

ANIMATION 8/10.

SCORE 13/20, or 65%.